Collecting some of my favorites here:

How come in France you only need one egg to make an omelet?
-Because in France one egg is an œuf.

Why can’t Buddhists vacuum in the corner?
-Because they have no attachments.

What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?
-Make me one with everything.

What happened to the magical tractor?
-It turned into a field…

How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb?
-Two, one to change it and one to check for animal ingredients.

Where does the king keep his armies?
-In his sleevies!

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-It’s a pretty obscure number. You probably haven’t heard of it.

How many folk musicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-Two. One to do it and one to sing about how good the old one was.

-The lifeguard wanted to save the drowning hippie, but he was too far out, man.

-I used to be addicted to the hokey-pokey…
But I’ve really turned myself around.

-How many letters of the alphabet can a pirate recite?
3. A,B,…and they always get lost at C…



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